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Sex of a fly'
A woman walked into the kitchen and found her husband walking around with a fly swatter.
''What are you doing?she asked.
''Hunting flies,'' he responded.
''Oh killing any?''she asked.
''Yep three males and two females,''he replied.
Intrigued,she asked,'how can you tell?''
He responded,''three were on a beer can and two were on the phone''

The incorrect diagnosis

A drunken man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest.The man's tie was stained,his face was plastered with red lipstick,and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.He opened his newspaper and started reading.

 

After a few minutes,the man turned to the priest and asked,''Say Father what causes arthritis?
''My son it's caused by loose living,being with cheap,wicked women,too much alcohol,and a contempt for your fellow man,''the priest said.
''Well,I'll be damned,'the drunk muttered,returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he has said,nudged the man and apologized.''I'm verry sorry .I didn't mean to come on so strong.How long have you had arthritis?''
''I don't have it,Father.I was just reading here that the Pope does,''the man said.